Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Since I don't really do photoshoots now, I think maybe I should write more about my daily lifestyle..? Plus it's really easy to blog from my phone! I'm really lazy to bring my camera everywhere so I'll just post some pictures taken w my phone here.
Hmmmmmm... Went to Bandung, Indonesia with my mother, 2 aunties and their 2 daughters on last Thursday night. Visited the famous Tangkuban Perahu on Friday morning. Had lunch then it was shopping time! Spent my Saturday shopping too! Flew back to Malaysia on Sunday afternoon. Short and boring trip.
Friday morning // on the way to Tangkuban Perahu.
In the car going down~
Went factory outlets like Grande, Nike factory outlet, Rumah Mode and so on(I don't remember the names). To be honest Bandung is not a nice place for me to shop. I only managed to buy some really good quality basics which were cheap.
@ Rumah Mode -
Loved this skirt so much! It was the last piece and it was too loose for me :( It was less than RM30!!
@ Ralph Lauren's store at I don't remember where
My new friends <3 it's coconut if you didn't notice. So creative! As they say people tend to be more creative when they don't have much.
Shopping hauls -
Mummy's snoopy top!
Nothing special actually. Blogging because I'm bored..
Monday, May 20, 2013
Right from the start I knew you were different. The way you talk, the way you smile, the way you laugh.. I knew you were gonna be something to me. Every morning you made me look forward to your messages. Every night you put a smile on my face before I sleep. Every day you made me fall deeper...... Feelings grew without me realizing. Back in December, I was sure I fell in love with my bestfriend, someone who made me the happiest girl in the world by just saying 'hello'. I've had a lot of crushes on handsome guys and strangers in my life, but it's really rare for me to be serious, to really fall for someone. He was special, special in his own ways. He was special to me, because he made me feel so special.
When we were best friends, we had our ups and downs. I confessed. I told him I loved him hoping that he'd say 'hey you know what, I love you too' but he didn't. He didn't give me the response I wanted, as expected. I was sad. I told myself I had to leave him behind to save myself from being sad because he didn't have feelings for me at all. Just when I decided to walk away, just when I thought I was ready to lose my best friend, he pulled me back and finally said the words I've always wanted to hear from him. At that point I thought I was so lucky to have fell in love with my wonderful best friend. I loved his good morning messages so so so much. I loved the fact that he was thinking about me when I was still sleeping. It's really the little things that matter the most.
We weren't really together, we were just more than best friends, but I really think we were so perfect. Everything was so perfect to me.. Unfortunately, one fight screwed everything up. He decided to give up and leave. I begged him for a second chance for countless times in these few months. I didn't wanna lose someone I appreciate so much. I really thought I could change his mind but I was so wrong, I got pushed away countless times but I never gave up trying, but things just kept getting worse, and his friend(s) actually called me pathetic.
I thought it was hard enough to love someone who doesn't love you back, but you know what's harder? Watching the one you love, love someone else. And that's when I knew all my hopes ran dry and the only choice left was to give up and leave everything behind. Jealousy is a bitch. It drives you crazy. But it's not supposed to make you hate.
"I'm happy for you."
You know.. I wish I had the courage to say 'fuck you, fuck you for making me feel this way, fuck you for hurting me, fuck you for leaving me, fuck you for making me feel so special and lastly fuck you for making me love you so much.' to him. But I know, if I had a second chance, I would still choose the same way, I would still choose to fall. I tried convincing myself that I lost someone who didn't care but he lost someone who cared so much and that it was his loss. But in the end I still think things shouldn't have ended. I still hope to have the second chance to make things right again. I know, I am such a fool.
It was a mistake, a beautiful mistake.
Life goes on. Erase. Let go. Move on. For now, erased, let go, and still moving on.